sugarplumkitty | I know my bro-in-law will be upset with me.

My sister has invited us over for Easter again. I think I want to make Crazy Pea Salad for my contribution. Anyone got a recipe for that?

We were supposed to host Easter this year, for sure. Our house is so messy we hate to have anyone see it, not that they could sit down anywhere without us moving a bunch of stuff. You're all aware of my struggles with depression and being overwhelmed. The housework overwhelms me to the point that I just can't deal with it, so I focus on the areas that are most crucial to maintaining our health and let the rest go.

I hate this. I hate the mess. My shrink suggests that it may be due to brain damage to my frontal lobe from two incidents that happened to me as a toddler.

The first was a car accident when I was 2 1/2. In 1958, seatbelts didn't exist. We had dropped my dad off at the train station and were heading back home. My sister and I had climbed into the front seat with our mom. I was sitting in the middle. A drunk ran a stop sign and hit our car. Mom's door flew open and she fell out. My sister fell out. I didn't. Mom was knocked out when she hit the pavement. She says she woke up and heard my sister screaming, but she didn't hear me. She started screaming, "My baby! My baby!" and that's when I started to cry. They found me on the floor of the front seat with a big bump on my forehead. It's very likely that I had a concussion. I don't remember the accident. By some miracle my mom and sister only suffered cuts and bruises. I only had the bump on my head.

The second was that summer when I was three and my cousin accidently suffocated me into unconsciousness. I saw the tunnel of light that time and I wanted to stay, but it wasn't my time yet and I had to come back.

My shrink says either one could have damaged my brain. Frontal lobe damage can cause learning disabilities and depression. So there's a reasonable cause for my difficulties. That doesn't mean I'm stuck this way. After all, I've managed to retrain my brain for numbers. It seems like being organized is something I should be able learn. I just don't know where to start.

Anyway, my BIL has been getting progressively more annoyed with me for not getting my house in order. He's my exact opposite in that quarter. He reminds me everytime I see him that I need to start cleaning NOW. Don't get me wrong! I love him like a brother but in my opinion, he's obsessively neat. His way of dealing with anger? Vaccuuming the entire house. Seems a bit more productive than surfing the internet, Puzzle Pirates or The Sims, which are my distractions. He comes by it naturally. His mother vaccuums her house every morning at 8AM. If anyone walks through the living room, she grabs her carpet rake and fluffs the carpet again so it looks perfect. He's not that bad.

Eh, his feelings are not my problem. If I let them be, I'll have one more hurdle in my way to changing the things I'd like to change about myself.

I've tried flylady.com, but she just annoys the hell out of me. With the list of things she has a person do on her schedule, you'd think they didn't have any other demands on their lives! Plus she insists people wear shoes in the house because when you're wearing shoes, you feel like you're at work. OK, I understand the concept but I hate shoes. I only wear them when I have to. My feet aren't an average shape. Shoes hurt unless they're really expensive. I'm not going to wear out my expensive shoes faster just to keep my house clean. That would be stupid. I'm also not going to damage my feet by wearing shoes that don't fit right. So there. *Dang! Don't I sound like a recalcitrant child?* LOL