musings of a middle-aged optimist

and Emma. I didn't mean to leave Emma out.

The night doctor said she wasn't stable enough for transport. Her day doctor disagrees and we're taking her home!

Today I spoke with my mom's doctor who said they were unable to manage her fever with three strong IV antibiotics but was still talking about transitioning her to oral meds and sending her home on Thursday. That seemed wrong to me. If strong IV antibiotics can't control whatever infection is causing the fever, how are we supposed to manage it at home when she can't swallow pills?

At the nurses shift change yesterday, Sherrie heard them say Mom had been admitted with Sepsis due to extreme constipation. That's the first we heard of sepsis. If that's really Mom they were talking about and not some other patient, it explains her rapid failure.

Two days ago, when she was in her altered state, she refused food saying "I'm going to be dead in three days!" Now she has slipped into a coma with labored breathing. I'm having my dinner and heading to the hospital to join my sister at her bedsde. We both think the end of the ride is approaching. We think Mom had a premonition.

Mom went into a-fib ths morning. She has a DNR in place. They called my sister who approved a transfusion that stabilized her. If it had been my decision, I would have refused the transfusion and let her go. But then, I don't know if they need my signature on something to honor her DNR. My Gramma had a DNR back in the 1980's and was in a hospital with inoperable colon cancer. I stayed with her overnight on her last night conscious with instructions from the family to hold off the resusitation team until 10 minutes after she passed so they couldn't bring her back because they required all of her children to sign a paper agreeing to honor the DNR before they would and my oldest aunt hadn't arrived yet to sign it. I sure hope laws have changed. A person's wishes should be honored.

They moved Mom to a different floor for a higher level of care. We meet with the Palliative care team today to make plans for her care these final days.

How did you know when you were recovered enough to go back to work? My doctors have not been helpful with this.

I've had brain damage yet they expect me know know when I'm better? My judgement has been off so long, I don't trust it anymore.

I think the people at the animal shelter think we walk on water. Last night I got a phone call that Freeway Miracle, a 17 year old cat we gave away to a friend 15 years ago had been found abandoned and starving by a Cable guy and was brought in.

Her name explains where I found her. She was sleeping on the center divider of a freeway at rush hour one morning. I couldn't leave her there so I took the next exit and came back on the emptier side to snatch her from the divider and put her in my car. The only reason we hadn't kept her was that she hates other cats and had started a marking campaign to exert her dominance that ruined our house. We tried to get her to adjust for 7 months. When she peed in Eric's Christmas candy, that was it. We've never been able to stop the marking since. Our house is ruined.

So Sarah took her. She wanted a cat, she said. As an only cat, Freeway didn't spray. She was perfect other than breaking out of windows to beat up cats she saw outside. Then Sarah married. Freeway looked happy with a new "Dad" and "step-brother". Then Sarah had two baby boys a couple of years apart. Freeway loved toddlers. I figured it was a perfect situation for her.

I didn't hear anything more from Sarah. The Christmas cards stopped. Mine to her were returned because they moved. Then around the time my dad died, I got an email asking if I could find another home for Freeway because they weren't home much. It was a bad time for me. I couldn't help and told her so. I never heard anything more from her.

Then last night came the call that Freeway Miracle was at the animal shelter. Her microchip registration had two disconnected numbers from another person and us listed. Only one of our numbers was still good. She'd been found by a cat-friendly cable guy. Good thing he didn't try to take her home. He has three cats at home. That would have been bad. Wendy, the lady who called said she was old and so weak that they'd put her in the hospital to hydrate her but the vet noted that she was alert and active. She wasn't going to last long at the shelter. They don't put old, fragile animals up for adoption. She had 10 days and then she'd be euthanized. Eric agreed we couldn't let that happen. We had to come up with a solution and before Freeway caught anything from the other cats at the shelter. He said he never liked Sarah. He didn't trust her judgement. There were things I didn't like about her by the time we drifted apart but I never thought she'd be careless with the life of an animal.

I told Wendy someone would be there the next day to get her. She was delighted.

I tried to find my email address for Sarah. It wasn't on my computer or the online address book of my provider. I found her online. I sent a message on facebook and left a voice mail. There has been no response.

My friend, finickynarcane thought she might be able to take her but realized she really can't fit an animal into her life right now. She is overwhelmed with life as it is. I know the feeling. It's why I'm hardly here anymore. I still love you all, I just had to cut back on things somewhere to manage my stress better.

We pretty much had a choice of locking her in one room in our house for a while until we found a forever home or maybe my mom would let her stay temporarily if I came by to clean the litter box and took care of vet visits. My mom agreed! I scrubbed and sterilized a litter box, packed some food and Eric carried an unopened bag of litter out to the car.

The shelter people asked how long it had been since we'd had Freeway. They were shocked when I said 15 years. I burst into tears and said I never would have given her to the person I did if I'd known she'd end up in the shelter like this. We bailed her out with all the fees and cost of a rabies shot coming to $61. From adding things up on their posted fees, I think they gave us a discount. It should have been more than $80.

Everyone involved did a double-take when they were told what was happening and how long ago we'd had Freeway. They all said she was special and very sweet. Yes, we said, as long as she's an only cat. They were amazed people from so far in her past would step up to take responsibility for her. I risked my life for her all those years ago, how could we not rescue her from this?

We got her to my mom's only to find she'd pooped in the box. She calmly let me wash off the areas that had touched the poop, kneading my arm and purring while I did it. She only weighs 4 pounds. She's nothing but skin and bones, poor thing! Her skin is broken out from flea allergy. She used the litter box right away then ate some of the canned food we brought. She huddled on the kitchen rug by the sink, nibbling a little wet food and having long drinks of water for a long while.

As we stood there watching her, I assured my mom that I would keep looking for a permanent home for Freeway if Sarah didn't want her back. Mom said she had actually been wanting to have a cat and had decided if a cat came her way she'd accept it. She actually looked grateful. She says an elderly cat is perfect because she won't worry about the cat outliving her. YAY! Freeway has a permanent home if Sarah doesn't want her back. I doubt Sarah wants her back. We don't want Sarah to get her back after the way she was found.

After a while Freeway was ready to wander the house a little. My mom held her and sat in her recliner. Freeway didn't look comfortable. She kept staring at Eric. She tried to find a comfortable spot then wanted down. She wanted me to hold her. Then she wanted Eric to hold her. She wandered the room and lay down on the brick hearth.

We left to run our errands and pick up a few groceries for my mom. When I popped in with her things, Mom said Freeway had a little more to eat and then disappeared. She's probably exhausted from all the changes and found a quiet place to sleep.

Tomorrow is the baby shower for my nephew Mike and his wife Katie. When I get back, I'll go shopping to get a scoop for the litter box and smaller cans of food. Then I can pop in to see how things are going. I'll take a flea treatment from our supply. They don't treat for fleas at the shelter.

When we got home, I sent Sarah another message on facebook letting her know Freeway had a permanent home with my mom and asked if she could help us get vet records.

Last weekend we had a slumber party in a hotel about an hour from home near our local Renaissance Faire. Much fun was had by all.

There are more pictures if you click the first one.

	Dinner at a restaurant wearing plastic birthday tiaras and fancy plastic jeweled rings We got a lot of smiles from people, walking in like we were royalty! lol
	Me in costume

I'm going to be a Great Aunt! My nephew Mike and his wife Katie are expecting in April! :D

My mom called me to chat about it while I was on my weekend with Boomer Babes so I called her back. She told me she'd shared with her friend that she was not feeling well and didn't think she'd be here much longer unless something happened to make her want to live. A few days later she got the good news and now wants to live.

I wonder if I should call her more often? It's hard because I'm having a hard enough time dealing with my own feelings. The last several years have really taken a toll on me. Scampi's last couple of years were so traumatic that I'm only now starting to process her loss. My historic issues with my mom are still there. It's stressful for me to interact with her.

Mom's right. The new baby helps a lot! I found an adorable happy sheep puppet at Renaissance Faire, stuffed enough for snuggling and couldn't resist buying it. Yeah, I've started spoiling already. ;)

I was fixing my breakfast this morning when I heard her calling the way she did the first few months she lived with us. It was a lost sound, "MMMOUUUU? MMMOUUUU? MMMOUUUU?" In the past we would call to her, "Here we are!" and she'd come running. But this morning Eric was still asleep so I went to find her. She was sitting on the closed toilet calling to something in the overgrown dish garden that sits on the tank. That was her personal jungle as a kitten. She kept diving her head and paws into the foliage and calling as if she were lost. Silly kitty!

Once I petted her and offered her catnip, the calling stopped. She didn't want catnip. Fresh catnip is too strong for her. She wanted to play jungle kitten!

I wonder if a moth flew into the foliage to hide?

Some kitty ate the baby bird during the day. All I found was a little wing and a lump of something I didn't recognize. :(