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Eric hasn't gone out to dinner to celebrate his birthday with my family since his mom died four years ago. This year everyone insisted he get back into the habit. My nephew Mike started it asking what he wanted and when we were going to celebrate. Mike lives 2.5 hours away. That's a lot of driving. Eric resisted, saying "They don't have to do that." He thinks it's too much bother for people to take him out. His family doesn't do that. His dad actually remembered to call this year. He doesn't always. It's clear it was Eric's mom in charge of cards and calls. I guess Helen must have pushed him. lol
So Mike's inquiry was followed by an email from my Mom cc:ing everyone. We settled on Sunday because Sherrie and Bruce had plans for Saturday and I didn't want Mike getting home late on a worknight. Monday (today) is President's Day. Everyone has it off except for my BIL Bruce.
Eric still resisted. I told him they wanted to celebrate his birthday because they love him. Doesn't it suck to be loved that much? I set the time of 5PM, to be considerate of Mike and his drive home afterwards. I was about to choose the restaurant Sunday morning because Eric still hadn't come up with one and he finally chose a favorite of my family, Pedro's. It's Mexican food in a nice quiet place. I brought a birthday cake we'd picked up. Unbeknownst to Eric, I'd slipped some decorative gel and fun swirly candles into my hand basket and onto the grocery belt with all the other stuff we bought. I wrote:
53
Happy
Birthday
Eric
on the cake. The waiter asked how many candles and I told him 5 and 3. He lit them and we sang "Happy Birthday" to Eric. The wait staff didn't help us. Legally, they're not allowed to sing that song without paying royalties to some jerk who decided to copyright it. I ordered Mom's food after the cake was served and gave the waiter an extra $5 tip.
Eric had fun despite himself. Both nephews came. Katie didn't come because she's not feeling well. My mom didn't come, either. She'd had gastric difficulties all night the night before and was exhausted. She was worried that she might have the flu. I offered to bring her a dinner and she accepted, asking for her favorite. We discussed our worries about Mom's fuzzy thinking. Until Mom admits she's overwhelmed, we don't want to push her.
When Eric and I delivered Mom's dinner, she admitted she'd really pigged out the day before on very unhealthy stuff and her problems might have been from that. Very fatty greasy food in large quantities just might have caused it. She never had a fever from it and was able to eat regular food just fine during the day.
She admitted her mind is not clear for the first time. I reassured her that after all she'd been through in the last year, that was to be expected and expressed optimism that it might still clear up. She said she's beginning to think it isn't going to. She has so much trouble just taking care of herself that she's not going to her exercise classes. She's continuing to pay her fees so she can go if she feels up to it, but she hasn't gone in a few months. Just getting dressed and taking her swimsuit, changing, getting into the pool, showering afterwards and dressing to go home is more than she can do even without the exercise. She says she does do some of the exercises in her own pool. At least she's doing that.
I didn't mention assisted living. I'm waiting for her to do that. I did say that if she feels overwhelmed that all she has to do is ask us for help and we'll be glad to do whatever she needs. She says the things she's having trouble doing are things she needs to do herself.
The time may be coming for the discussion with all of us as to how to help her cope better. We know having someone live with her is out of the question. The home health aide drove her nuts. Maybe having someone just come in to do the daily chores is an idea. I don't know.
I wonder if assisted living facilities allow waterbeds? Mom can't sleep without her waterbed. She's slept in one for the last 35 years. Even the pillowtop Beautyrest they bought for Dad when he got too weak to get out of the waterbed isn't comfortable enough for her.
On our voting day, our polling place was in a local assisted living facility. It reeked of carpet shampoo which I know bothers Mom's allergies as much as it does mine. They had signs on the windows forbidding people to open them. A place like that wouldn't work for me. I doubt it would work for Mom. But the one a friend of hers lives in is the one my Great Aunt lived in for her last five years or so. The dining room was open and filled with natural light. It did smell of bland institutional food but I don't remember the reek of carpet shampoo. Of course, I didn't go up to the rooms. They might be different.
I wonder if Mom could spend a day with her friend to see if it's a place she could stand? I wonder if they allow people to visit overnight? It might be nice for her to try before she buys.
This week, Sherrie has to drive Mom to another Kaiser Hospital a couple of hours away for an intestinal ultrasound. They need to check out the cause for the lump they found under her intestines when they scoped her a few weeks ago. I can't drive that far and back in one day without a blinding headache. Making fragile people travel that far for an exam seems wrong to me. I don't even want to think of what that lump might be. Maybe it's the cause for her lack of recovery from last year's surgery.
So Mike's inquiry was followed by an email from my Mom cc:ing everyone. We settled on Sunday because Sherrie and Bruce had plans for Saturday and I didn't want Mike getting home late on a worknight. Monday (today) is President's Day. Everyone has it off except for my BIL Bruce.
Eric still resisted. I told him they wanted to celebrate his birthday because they love him. Doesn't it suck to be loved that much? I set the time of 5PM, to be considerate of Mike and his drive home afterwards. I was about to choose the restaurant Sunday morning because Eric still hadn't come up with one and he finally chose a favorite of my family, Pedro's. It's Mexican food in a nice quiet place. I brought a birthday cake we'd picked up. Unbeknownst to Eric, I'd slipped some decorative gel and fun swirly candles into my hand basket and onto the grocery belt with all the other stuff we bought. I wrote:
53
Happy
Birthday
Eric
on the cake. The waiter asked how many candles and I told him 5 and 3. He lit them and we sang "Happy Birthday" to Eric. The wait staff didn't help us. Legally, they're not allowed to sing that song without paying royalties to some jerk who decided to copyright it. I ordered Mom's food after the cake was served and gave the waiter an extra $5 tip.
Eric had fun despite himself. Both nephews came. Katie didn't come because she's not feeling well. My mom didn't come, either. She'd had gastric difficulties all night the night before and was exhausted. She was worried that she might have the flu. I offered to bring her a dinner and she accepted, asking for her favorite. We discussed our worries about Mom's fuzzy thinking. Until Mom admits she's overwhelmed, we don't want to push her.
When Eric and I delivered Mom's dinner, she admitted she'd really pigged out the day before on very unhealthy stuff and her problems might have been from that. Very fatty greasy food in large quantities just might have caused it. She never had a fever from it and was able to eat regular food just fine during the day.
She admitted her mind is not clear for the first time. I reassured her that after all she'd been through in the last year, that was to be expected and expressed optimism that it might still clear up. She said she's beginning to think it isn't going to. She has so much trouble just taking care of herself that she's not going to her exercise classes. She's continuing to pay her fees so she can go if she feels up to it, but she hasn't gone in a few months. Just getting dressed and taking her swimsuit, changing, getting into the pool, showering afterwards and dressing to go home is more than she can do even without the exercise. She says she does do some of the exercises in her own pool. At least she's doing that.
I didn't mention assisted living. I'm waiting for her to do that. I did say that if she feels overwhelmed that all she has to do is ask us for help and we'll be glad to do whatever she needs. She says the things she's having trouble doing are things she needs to do herself.
The time may be coming for the discussion with all of us as to how to help her cope better. We know having someone live with her is out of the question. The home health aide drove her nuts. Maybe having someone just come in to do the daily chores is an idea. I don't know.
I wonder if assisted living facilities allow waterbeds? Mom can't sleep without her waterbed. She's slept in one for the last 35 years. Even the pillowtop Beautyrest they bought for Dad when he got too weak to get out of the waterbed isn't comfortable enough for her.
On our voting day, our polling place was in a local assisted living facility. It reeked of carpet shampoo which I know bothers Mom's allergies as much as it does mine. They had signs on the windows forbidding people to open them. A place like that wouldn't work for me. I doubt it would work for Mom. But the one a friend of hers lives in is the one my Great Aunt lived in for her last five years or so. The dining room was open and filled with natural light. It did smell of bland institutional food but I don't remember the reek of carpet shampoo. Of course, I didn't go up to the rooms. They might be different.
I wonder if Mom could spend a day with her friend to see if it's a place she could stand? I wonder if they allow people to visit overnight? It might be nice for her to try before she buys.
This week, Sherrie has to drive Mom to another Kaiser Hospital a couple of hours away for an intestinal ultrasound. They need to check out the cause for the lump they found under her intestines when they scoped her a few weeks ago. I can't drive that far and back in one day without a blinding headache. Making fragile people travel that far for an exam seems wrong to me. I don't even want to think of what that lump might be. Maybe it's the cause for her lack of recovery from last year's surgery.
