I'm trying SO HARD to be positive.

My journal seems like it's filled with gripes the last several months. Life is like that sometimes, I guess. Here I am coming to gripe again.

I'm going to speak with the head of the I.T. contractor at NASA that handles the civil servants' computers today. Before I started the job interview process, I wanted to have our vacation plans confirmed so I could honestly say we have airline reservations and I can't start until after we return.

Eric and I HAVE to go to Kansas to visit his dad and step-mother, Helen. They were married about a year ago and we haven't officially met her yet. All I've heard is how sweet she is. I haven't spoken to her on the phone until yesterday.

It has been seven years since Eric and I did a relaxed vacation. And that time it was the week after his brother's wedding so we had family obligations up front. Two years after that we were set to launch on a long road trip to the southwest to see all the natural wonders when we got an emergency call from Kansas that his mom was having bypass surgery the next day. That vacation was spent in the waiting room of the ICU. The next year, my vacation was used doing hospice with my dad. The following year it was used going to Kansas right after Christmas because Eric's mom wasn't doing well and then returning two months later to bury her. By then my job was gone and there was no money for vacations.

Now I'm going to get a new job and that means no vacations for a year. With my mom's lung cancer and aftermath added to my usual 18 units of classes, I'm burned out. I desperately need a vacation.

Eric said maybe we could do a three-point trip and at least go to Carlsbad Caverns. I spent two days trying to figure out a way to do that. The cheapest flights I could figure involved up to three plane transfers in a day and it was still over $600 per person. So, Carlsbad is dropped from this year's plans.

I called Kansas yesterday to find out if our planned visit time would work for them. Nobody was home so I left a rambling message and a request to please call me back. Nobody called back by the time I figured they were eating dinner so I called them back. Helen answered the phone. She had an attitude as soon as I identified myself. "Is this for real?" she asked me with a sarcastic tone. I assured her it was. "You're really coming this time?" *snark snark*

"Yes, we are really coming this time. We aren't going to dissapoint him again," I told her firmly but pleasantly. Still the attitude was there. She affirmed that they'd be there and not camping at the lake. She offered their spare room. I thanked her. Told her we'd stayed in that room before. Assured her we wouldn't stay more than a week because guests and fish start to go bad after that. I told her I'd call them to give details once I had the reservations. She chuckled a little but still had the tone in her voice as she told me to call her AS SOON as I had the reservations.

All kinds of things swirl through my mind about why she's dishing attitude at me. Eric's dad must not have told her what I told him that I was extremely upset when our trip was canceled. I really wanted to spend Christmas with them. Eric told his dad how depressed he gets over Christmas and how so many dead and dying family members were the reason he went back so many times that he just can't shake the depression that time of year.

Maybe she thinks because Eric hasn't been home for any holidays since he married me that I'm the reason? I have news for her. It ain't me. He's a big guy. I can't budge him when he doesn't want to budge.

Of course, it might also be the mama bear thing going on from her end. We hurt Dad M's feelings. She's being protective. She doesn't know that was the first time Eric and I broke a promise about visiting. We aren't like that. She doesn't know us. That's the problem.

It kind of pisses me off that the very first time we speak on the phone that I'm getting attitude from her. Is that really the way she wants to start this relationship?

We have our reservations. We're not going to have our bonding time away from everyone and everything to refresh our love for each other. Our vacation is going to be spent with family obligations. Helen had better drop the attitude. My hormones aren't stable enough to let things roll off my back very well. If she pushes me, she'll see attitude right back at her.

I'm so sick of family obligations. (not you, Jonathan. I'll never be sick of you.)

Now I'm going to make nice and call her to sweetly and cheerfully tell her our flight information.

Maybe I should check to see when their anniversary is and get a card off.