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Toughest final today!
Mar. 27th, 2006 11:29 amHi everyone,
I'm not keeping up AT ALL, and I offer my apologies. I'll try to catch up after finals. My toughest final is tonight at 6PM PST.
I'd so appreciate calming, intelligent thoughts from anyone who can send me some for about an hour starting then.
I spent the weekend making flash cards from all the online tests and quizzes and I plan to spend the day running through them because there is a certain amount of memorization needed for this test.
Saturday night I talked to my mom. I'd called her to see if she'd heard anything about my nephew Chris's birthday because my sister said something about celebrating it over the weekend. Mom said they'd put it off until Easter because they originally wanted all of us to drive up to Berkeley where Chris lives. Mom isn't up to a car trip that far right now. She hesitated to tell me why because she knew I was really stressed about school and finals. She has a lump under her arm where the lymph node was removed last summer.
They did a biopsy last week and are doing a scan today. She should have the biopsy results back this week. It isn't just that lump that's hurting her, she says her whole left side is sore. We're hoping it's just an infection and easily treated. She thinks at the worst, she'll have to have radiation therapy after all.
I don't have a bad feeling about this, so I think she'll be fine.
It helped me get my finals back into perspective. I had been extremely cranky on Saturday because I was trying to get the flash cards formatted and printed plus take part of a Windows Server final - I gave up on that because Eric kept reacting verbally to a tutorial he was watching on his PC and distracting me. The final straw came when he was trying to bid on something on ebay and couldn't remember his password. He set it up to send his password to work, and he doesn't have access to that from home. I said he could use my account but I couldn't remember my password. We had a race to see if he could set up a new account faster than I could reset my password and he kept excitedly narrating what he was doing and blowing my focus as I was trying to type a complex password. After the fourth or fifth time starting over I snarled at him and he started saying loudly over and over, "OH I forgot I CAN'T TALK TO YOU" He knows darned well I can't focus when he's talking to me. He's the same way. I told him "I can't talk to you when you're trying to focus and I respect that once you tell me. You KNOW that." "No you don't. You still talk to me." "Not once you tell me." "Yes you do." "No I don't."
I finally snapped at him, "I interrupted my studying to HELP YOU. WILL YOU LET ME RESET MY PASSWORD SO YOU CAN USE IT??"
No, by this time he had a new account set up but in the process of fussing at me, it took too long and the auction was over. F*ck. All that for no good reason and now I had to come up with yet another password for ebay. In a calmer time, I would have remembered it.
When we calmed down, I apologized for snapping at him and explained that I've been on the edge of my emotional breaking point for the last couple of weeks and I'm sorry that it's spilling over onto him. But he needs to understand that I'm taking 21 units because I'm trying to get employable as quickly as possible so we can get out of the hole we're in financially. I'm not taking this many units again. It's too much. My emotional health is too important to me personally, and to our marriage. He apologized too because he knows all of this. My crabbiness had just gotten to him.
The whole incident made me realize I'd panicked my way into the same mind-set I was in last quarter when I blew my final. I also realized this weekend was the end of my week off hormones. I decided to start back on them a day early because I need their effects for my brain to work properly.
Sunday, I vegged out aside from cutting up my flash cards. We watched movies and I played The Sims 2 and just relaxed. My mind felt like it was buzzing too much to absorb anything else. I had to let my mind rest and let the panic energy out to clear up my mental circuits.
Now I'm late to work. Better hose off and go! I'll be running through flash cards at work today and if there's time, I'll play the meditation CD I got from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
revbrian. Oh, for my friend waiting for hers, I found them! I'll be sending it as soon as finals are over.
I'm not keeping up AT ALL, and I offer my apologies. I'll try to catch up after finals. My toughest final is tonight at 6PM PST.
I'd so appreciate calming, intelligent thoughts from anyone who can send me some for about an hour starting then.
I spent the weekend making flash cards from all the online tests and quizzes and I plan to spend the day running through them because there is a certain amount of memorization needed for this test.
Saturday night I talked to my mom. I'd called her to see if she'd heard anything about my nephew Chris's birthday because my sister said something about celebrating it over the weekend. Mom said they'd put it off until Easter because they originally wanted all of us to drive up to Berkeley where Chris lives. Mom isn't up to a car trip that far right now. She hesitated to tell me why because she knew I was really stressed about school and finals. She has a lump under her arm where the lymph node was removed last summer.
They did a biopsy last week and are doing a scan today. She should have the biopsy results back this week. It isn't just that lump that's hurting her, she says her whole left side is sore. We're hoping it's just an infection and easily treated. She thinks at the worst, she'll have to have radiation therapy after all.
I don't have a bad feeling about this, so I think she'll be fine.
It helped me get my finals back into perspective. I had been extremely cranky on Saturday because I was trying to get the flash cards formatted and printed plus take part of a Windows Server final - I gave up on that because Eric kept reacting verbally to a tutorial he was watching on his PC and distracting me. The final straw came when he was trying to bid on something on ebay and couldn't remember his password. He set it up to send his password to work, and he doesn't have access to that from home. I said he could use my account but I couldn't remember my password. We had a race to see if he could set up a new account faster than I could reset my password and he kept excitedly narrating what he was doing and blowing my focus as I was trying to type a complex password. After the fourth or fifth time starting over I snarled at him and he started saying loudly over and over, "OH I forgot I CAN'T TALK TO YOU" He knows darned well I can't focus when he's talking to me. He's the same way. I told him "I can't talk to you when you're trying to focus and I respect that once you tell me. You KNOW that." "No you don't. You still talk to me." "Not once you tell me." "Yes you do." "No I don't."
I finally snapped at him, "I interrupted my studying to HELP YOU. WILL YOU LET ME RESET MY PASSWORD SO YOU CAN USE IT??"
No, by this time he had a new account set up but in the process of fussing at me, it took too long and the auction was over. F*ck. All that for no good reason and now I had to come up with yet another password for ebay. In a calmer time, I would have remembered it.
When we calmed down, I apologized for snapping at him and explained that I've been on the edge of my emotional breaking point for the last couple of weeks and I'm sorry that it's spilling over onto him. But he needs to understand that I'm taking 21 units because I'm trying to get employable as quickly as possible so we can get out of the hole we're in financially. I'm not taking this many units again. It's too much. My emotional health is too important to me personally, and to our marriage. He apologized too because he knows all of this. My crabbiness had just gotten to him.
The whole incident made me realize I'd panicked my way into the same mind-set I was in last quarter when I blew my final. I also realized this weekend was the end of my week off hormones. I decided to start back on them a day early because I need their effects for my brain to work properly.
Sunday, I vegged out aside from cutting up my flash cards. We watched movies and I played The Sims 2 and just relaxed. My mind felt like it was buzzing too much to absorb anything else. I had to let my mind rest and let the panic energy out to clear up my mental circuits.
Now I'm late to work. Better hose off and go! I'll be running through flash cards at work today and if there's time, I'll play the meditation CD I got from
revbrian. Oh, for my friend waiting for hers, I found them! I'll be sending it as soon as finals are over.
