Real Answers on Science Tests - an email I received *LOL*

Real Answers on Science Tests

These are real answers given by children. (Only children could come up with these, and keep a straight face!)
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Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
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Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
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Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
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Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
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Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
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Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
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Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental..
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Q : What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A : He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
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Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
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Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
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Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen).
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.
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Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
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Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Swiped from angelsmum

First best friend: Brenda who moved away when I was three. Then Mary Katherine across the street.
First real memory of something: That would either be taking the ferry across the SF bay - I misunderstood and thought a big flood was happening or it was several memories of staying at Aunt Pearl's house at a dairy. Both occurred when I was three.
First car: 1965 fire engine red Trimph Herald ragtop sedan
First date: With his parents along, Danny at age 13. With no parents along, Steve at age 18. My friends tended to do things as a group.
First real kiss: Rick when I was 12.
First break-up: Rick after he showed me his finely detailed plans for a space ship like the Enterprise. He even knew how he was going to power the engines. I didn't know I was a techie yet and it was just too weird to me. Danny was next. He dumped me for reasons I never understood.
First job: Door to door then in the office updating the R.L. Polk directory. That's a reference book used by many entities to know who lives and works where. Police use it to track down relatives of people in accidents. Fire & rescue teams use it to know to look for people in burning homes. Advertisers also use it.
First screen name: sugarplumkitty
First self purchased album: One of the Monkees albums, I'm sure.
First funeral: Great Grandma Hansen when I was 13. They wouldn't let me go to Grampa's when I was six. I cried.
First pets: Sandy, our small blond shaggy dog who was there two years before I was. His mom was an English sheepdog, his dad was unknown. He was born on Mother's Day in 1953. First cat at age 3, Cutie was mine, Beauty was my sister's. She named them. Both were torbies. Cutie had short fur, Beauty had long. Gramma D's kitty had them.
First piercing/tattoo: Ears when I was 18.
First credit card: Sears & Roebuck when I was 21.
First true love: Eric
First enemy: Eddie, the teenager who lived across the street when I was little.
First big trip: To Montana with Gramma V. and cousin Rhonda when I was 15.
First play/musical/performance: Singing: probably age 3 in the Christmas pagent at church. Acting: age 7 when I played the duck in The Gingerbread Man" at school. I was the only loud kid who could waddle. LOL
First musician you remember hearing in your house: Nat "King" Cole. My dad had all his albums.
First broken bone: None yet.
First fist fight: Cousin Scott until I got my cowboy boots - hehehe
First concert:At age 13. I saw Dr. John, Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show and The Guess Who.

Last cigarette: one puff at age 14 - sick for days
Last big car ride: Up to Cousin Todd's wedding in Yreka last February. Edit: No, it was to Modesto for a family reunion in May.
Last kiss: Eric as I was leaving. Thought he was going to pull me back in bed with him! hee!
Last good cry: The day of Uncle Bud's funeral.
Last movie seen: Some dumb guy flick on SciFi
Last library book checked out: Don't remember. Eric picks books up for both of us at Goodwill.
Last beverage drank: Pepsi
Last food consumed: KFC coleslaw
Last phone call: Customer with problem.
Last TV show watched: NOVA on ruins in the South American jungles
Last time showered: This morning
Last shoes worn: SAS sandals
Last cd played: Carly Simon's Anthology
Last item bought: priority mail stamps
Last annoyance: The stamp dispenser would only take coins and I needed nearly $8.00 worth of stamps so I had to waste lunch break standing in line at the post office.
Last disappointment: Eric felt too awful to go anyplace over our anniversary weekend.
Last ice cream eaten: Klondike bar with toffee
Last soda drank: Pepsi
Last time wanting to die: the thought crossed my mind last June when my meds and sleep were messed up. Truly wanting to die was when I was processing my blocked memories about 15 years ago.
Last time scolded: Friday morning for having the phones on "night" when my boss left at 7:30PM the night before. I was trying to finish up on a customer's system so I could go home. A hotline call came in and he had to handle it from home. Mrs. Boss scolded me saying if anyone is here the phones should be answered no matter what time it is. She didn't care when I protested that after hours is THE ONLY TIME I get to work without answering STOOPID phones. She is not a programmer. She does not understand how difficult it is to focus all the way through a logical process someone else wrote. GRRRRR!
Last shirt worn: Pink Hawaiian
Last website visited: www.livejournal.com

Hooo boy. Here we go.

Today they executed the guy who in the name of "Pro-Life" killed am "abortion doctor" and his bodyguard in Florida.

I'm sure that doctor also performed pap smears, prescribed birth control and delivered live, healthy babies who were both planned and wanted. He most likely saved more than a few lives before he was gunned down.

While I myself could only have an abortion if it were the result of rape, it's isn't for me to make everyone live by my beliefs about it. I still love and support family and friends who have had abortions. Each one I know about was an agonizing decision for the people involved. It was the right choice for them. I rigorously support a person's right to choose. If the pro-lifers are right, the judgement will be on the heads of those who made those decisions in the next life.

I wish I had my chance to ask that guy some questions that came up for me last night.

1. Do you truly believe that God is all powerful?
2. Why do you think God doesn't just smite all the abortion doctors if He wants them dead?

As for me, I'm against the death penalty. Keep em in jail for the rest of their lives, that's what I say!