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For his sake, I'm glad this isn't going to last long. He has already suffered enough. He made the decision to stop chemo. It's his life, his choice.
I went over after work with my picture CD from Todd & Judy's wedding. Dad is too far into the dying process to look at them. He is in pain. Mom can't bathe him and I sure don't know how, so he stinks. It's not the usual sweat smell, it smells of death.
He spends most of his time moaning and moving around restlessly trying to get comfortable. He won't eat anything. I managed to get a pain pill into him by crushing it and dissolving it in gatorade. That's the only thing he wants to drink anymore. That slowed the moaning and shifting. He was able to pay attention to the conversation from time to time, but had trouble getting words out. Sometimes he'd fall asleep in mid-thought.
We got my old bedroom cleared out for the hospital bed the hospice people are delivering today. Dad's sons-in-law moved the heavy mattress and box springs out to the garage, then took the guest bed apart and carried it out there, too. They carried all the boxes of stuff my dad had hidden under the bed out while Sherrie and I hung on Dad's every word.
I brought my new Hawai'i pocket guides to leave there so my parents could look through them and pretend they were seeing it in person. Before Eric and I headed for home, I brought up the idea of bringing Hawai'i to Dad since he can't go. I think he liked the thought, though we all doubt he'd really be aware of it if we did it. He stretched out his hand to me and I held it. He squeezed it and said "Aloha" which of course made all of us burst into tears. I told him that when we do eventually go to Hawai'i, could he please send me a tropic bird to look me straight in the eye so I'd know he was there with me? He smiled and said he would. Then we kissed and hugged and said goodnight.
It was hard driving home with tears running down my face, but I managed. I had to drive, because Eric and I had driven separately.
Today they're bringing the hospital bed and the hospice nurse will come to interview my parents and assess their needs.
The bed is coming ASAP. Dad had been in his recliner for over 24 hours when we were there last night. During the night he fell onto the floor. Mom found him at 5 this morning and made him comfortable there. She can't lift him. Dad says it feels better to stretch out, so he's staying there until the bed comes. Then Mom has instructions to call the fire department to put him into bed.
My uncle from Montana flew out yesterday with his wife, and my aunt from Chico came down too. They'll all visit Dad today. My most annoying cousin is driving from Sacramento right now with his nephew (close to the same age). I hope they aren't planning to do a deathbed salvation thing. They tend to be obnoxious about it. I asked my cousin in an email this morning to please respect the fact that my dad's religious beliefs are not the same as his. I then called him on the phone and suggested he check with my mom before driving all the way to San Jose. My dad might not be up to a visit. I wanted Mom and Dad to be able to avoid the stress of this cousin if they chose. She told them it was OK to come. Whew! At least they didn't just show up!
I'll be spending this evening at their house. I don't know when I'll stop going to work to sit vigil. Maybe tomorrow. It all depends on how long the hospice nurse says he has left. They tend to know.
I went over after work with my picture CD from Todd & Judy's wedding. Dad is too far into the dying process to look at them. He is in pain. Mom can't bathe him and I sure don't know how, so he stinks. It's not the usual sweat smell, it smells of death.
He spends most of his time moaning and moving around restlessly trying to get comfortable. He won't eat anything. I managed to get a pain pill into him by crushing it and dissolving it in gatorade. That's the only thing he wants to drink anymore. That slowed the moaning and shifting. He was able to pay attention to the conversation from time to time, but had trouble getting words out. Sometimes he'd fall asleep in mid-thought.
We got my old bedroom cleared out for the hospital bed the hospice people are delivering today. Dad's sons-in-law moved the heavy mattress and box springs out to the garage, then took the guest bed apart and carried it out there, too. They carried all the boxes of stuff my dad had hidden under the bed out while Sherrie and I hung on Dad's every word.
I brought my new Hawai'i pocket guides to leave there so my parents could look through them and pretend they were seeing it in person. Before Eric and I headed for home, I brought up the idea of bringing Hawai'i to Dad since he can't go. I think he liked the thought, though we all doubt he'd really be aware of it if we did it. He stretched out his hand to me and I held it. He squeezed it and said "Aloha" which of course made all of us burst into tears. I told him that when we do eventually go to Hawai'i, could he please send me a tropic bird to look me straight in the eye so I'd know he was there with me? He smiled and said he would. Then we kissed and hugged and said goodnight.
It was hard driving home with tears running down my face, but I managed. I had to drive, because Eric and I had driven separately.
Today they're bringing the hospital bed and the hospice nurse will come to interview my parents and assess their needs.
The bed is coming ASAP. Dad had been in his recliner for over 24 hours when we were there last night. During the night he fell onto the floor. Mom found him at 5 this morning and made him comfortable there. She can't lift him. Dad says it feels better to stretch out, so he's staying there until the bed comes. Then Mom has instructions to call the fire department to put him into bed.
My uncle from Montana flew out yesterday with his wife, and my aunt from Chico came down too. They'll all visit Dad today. My most annoying cousin is driving from Sacramento right now with his nephew (close to the same age). I hope they aren't planning to do a deathbed salvation thing. They tend to be obnoxious about it. I asked my cousin in an email this morning to please respect the fact that my dad's religious beliefs are not the same as his. I then called him on the phone and suggested he check with my mom before driving all the way to San Jose. My dad might not be up to a visit. I wanted Mom and Dad to be able to avoid the stress of this cousin if they chose. She told them it was OK to come. Whew! At least they didn't just show up!
I'll be spending this evening at their house. I don't know when I'll stop going to work to sit vigil. Maybe tomorrow. It all depends on how long the hospice nurse says he has left. They tend to know.
