Oct. 31st, 2002

TWO WISHES

A man walks into a restaurant with an ostrich. They sit down and the waitress comes over and asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich.

"What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later, the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine, until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man.

"Same for me," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62."

Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago, I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just have to put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man replies with a slight frown, "My second wish was for a chick with long legs."
I'm wearing my favorite old costume today. I made it when I was 24. That's 23 years ago! The beauty of it is that it fits me no matter how fat or thin I am! It fit me at half the weight I am now. I was Cobweb in Midsummernight's dream when I was 19. I loved that costume so much that I made one much like it.

It's a circle of black chiffon with a spiderweb of gold sequins sewn onto it. These are strung sequins. Even so, it took me 20 hours of hand stitching to get them on the chiffon. I slip it on over my head and it reaches nearly to the floor.

When I was a slim, voluptuous 20 to 30-something I wore black leotard and tights beneath it. Today I'm wearing black slacks and a black mock turtleneck jersey. It doesn't matter. People can't tell what's underneath if it's black.

Sometimes I copy the makeup from the play. I first paint my face with white makeup. Then I draw a spiderweb centered around my left eye spiraling out to the edges of my face, filling in the sections with purple, blue, green, yellow, orange, red, purple... until I reach the edge of my face, leaving the rest white. My hair is pincurled overnight and frizzed with glitter.

The year I beat Brian in a costume contest, I painted my face gold, drew black bloody fangs over my upper lip and down to my chin mucked up my hair with the same gold soap-paint I'd used on my face and made "goggles" to go over my glasses out of two 4 inch black strainers. I drew multiple eyes on them. I had a squeeze ball powered jumping spider that sat on my shoulder and I carried a giant plastic fly.

I couldn't believe I won! Brian has an amazing old style wizard costume he made. His eyes glow red. He carries a five foot staff with crystals on it that blink and flash at his command. He throws fire!

Today though I'm not wearing makeup at all.

Michelle suggested that I make a giant spider to wear on my head, so I drew this for today's icon.

I just left a message for my good doctor complaining about that SOB OB/GYN. I knew I was going to do it eventually, but when I looked up endometrial cancer I found out how FOS (full of shit) that jerk is. I very well COULD have early endometrial cancer. It CAN be deadly if not caught early. Both the websites I checked out urged readers to investigate any change in menstrual cycles to catch it early. That jerk needs to be avoided by women. Since he's an OB/GYN, I think he needs to retire.

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