This is our second year without him. Last year I was on antidepressants. This year I'm not. Two weeks ago I was in a performance of Radio Dramas. We performed in front of an audience just like they did in the old radio days with live sound people and everything. I get my performing talent and drive from my dad. He was always at every performance with whatever recording device he had, proudly capturing everything he could. He would have loved Radio Drama. This was my first performance in many years and there was a huge dad-sized gap for me that night.
He was there in spirit. I know that. Thinking about that makes me miss his physical presence even more.
The Christmas carols I hear that usually trigger tears aren't doing that this year. Now I'm crying when I hear the children's songs I remember him singing to me when I was a child.
I really miss Daddy bear hugs.
How I'd like to accompany him on the piano while he sings "O Holy Night" just one more time.
** cross posted in my journal and in
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